After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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