so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
