we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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