guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
