I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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