are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
