he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
