apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
