She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
