im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
