and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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