I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
