you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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