Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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