we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
