Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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