I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
