flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
