It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
