He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
