im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
