Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
