I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
