So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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