Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
