Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize