Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My vagina is very pro this idea
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
