May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
