Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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