should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
