you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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