I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
