Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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