i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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