Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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