pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
