I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
