do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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