I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
