On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
