I wish you could order shots online.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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