Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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