If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
