The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
