Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
