I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i out mim tonsoeep
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
