i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
