I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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