I think i peed on brittanys purse
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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