Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
