Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
