I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
