You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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