shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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