if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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