I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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