I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
