Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
