i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
