If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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