Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
