just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
