Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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