I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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