im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
