You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
