The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I hate all girls vehemently.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize