happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
