i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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