I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize